Thursday, November 09, 2006

Funny thing is, I'm not even afraid of spiders

The Story of my Morning

Alarm goes off at 5.50, I turn it off and go back to sleep. Alarm goes off at 6.00. I wake up, lay in bed thinking 'God, it's getting late, I'd better get up since I still have to wash my hair'.

Alarm goes off at 6.05, and I am pleasantly surprised, because I thought it was later.

Get towel, and go up to the bathroom. Have a bath in bathroom, with shower, so that you can kneel beside the bath and just wash your hair with the shower head when you are too lazy/cold/frightened to have a full shower.

This is my plan.

Bunch of towels lying over the bath from previous users. One of them is lying inside the bath, and will get wet if I wash my hair. I grab this offending towel with just a touch of annoyance and pull it out of the bath. HUGE black thing flips into the air and nearly lands on me, but just misses and falls back on the rest of the towels. I look down to see what it is. At the precise moment where screeching horror music would kick in, I see that it's a GIGANTIC black spider...and I mean huge! Pretty much the same size, if not bigger, than the one that almost knifed me in my sitting room a few weeks ago.

The kind of spider that looks like it traps small aeroplanes in its web instead of flies.

I let out a blood-curdling scream but, since my parents dwell in a completely different part of the house, nobody comes to my rescue. I go to get a magazine to kill the spider, even though it would be like swatting a small dog. I return to the bathroom and stand on the toilet so that he can't run out of the towels, over my bare feet, and up my pyjama leg. I have the distinct impression that if this were to happen, I might actually die of panic. I try to swat him with the magazine, but the towels are cushioning the blow, and I can't get a clear hit. It seems like I'm just angering him. Suddenly, one of my whacks glances, and he bounces off, nearly landing on the toilet with me. I slip in my efforts not to let his hairy leggy body touch me, and nearly fall off the toilet, which suddenly seems unnaturally high.

I can't take it anymore. I throw all the towels onto the ground in a wild hysteria, with him hopefully trapped in their folds, then give the soft bundle a few quick stamps. I manically intake breath, then run out of the bathroom and slam the door, never to return.

I am forced to take a shower in my parents en suite.

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